


Love Under the Full Moon

by withlovequincy



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: F/M, Romance, ambw, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:42:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29702835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withlovequincy/pseuds/withlovequincy
Summary: Sequel to "Until We Met Under the Moon"
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

Winter break came and went in the blink of an eye. My Bahamas vacation with my family was exactly what I needed to get rid of all of the stress that I apparently had since Nalani and Kris' ceremony. Not too long after the vacation, my mom thought that I should start seeing a psychologist.

After meeting with the psychologist for most of my break, I found out that I had a panic disorder. It was a mild case, but my psychologist wanted to keep an eye on me. I told them about the voices I heard in my head when I had my panic attack. That was the first time I had actually heard voices saying negative things to me.

I haven't spoken to Jongin since we had our argument. I had texted him before I left for my cruise and he said he still loved me. He also wanted to make up with me even though I was the one who snapped at him. I promised that we'd talk when we came back for the semester, but I'm still nervous about seeing him again.

It's no secret that I missed him dearly, but after what I said to him on that day, I didn't deserve to be with him. When I had got home, I immediately went and saw Jackson. It was good to see him after being separated from him for so long. I told him about my massive panic attack. He's been really helpful about keeping me in check and making sure I don't have another episode like I did.

As I'm packing up my stuff to head back, I hear a knock at my bedroom door. I turn around and see my mom there. "Hey,"

"Hey. How are you doing?" She asked me.

"Fine."

"Are you ready to head back?"

"I guess so."

"You're going to be great. Have you spoken to Kai lately?"

"No." I answered way too quickly.

"Don't be so down. You guys will make up."

"What if he doesn't want to?" I said sadly.

"Don't be so negative. He cares about you. And you care about him."

"Okay." I said defeated. I finish packing up my stuff and get ready to head back to school. As I'm packing up my car, I see Jackson come out of his house. "Hey!" He said with a smile.

"Hey."

"Are you heading back already?" He asked me.

"Yeah. My break is shorter than yours."

"Well, we have spring break together."

"Yeah."

"Have you talked to Kai?"

"No."

"Talk to him. I'm sure it's killing him that he's not talking to him mate." I told Jackson about Jongin and his brothers being werewolves. I felt like he had to know. He also said that he wouldn't tell a soul.

"I know. I just---I'm scared."

"Don't be. Kai loves you. And you love him."

I look down at the bracelet I had gotten Jongin on my wrist and then back up at Jackson. "Everything is going to be okay. I promise." Jackson smiled.

"I hope so. I'll call you when I get to campus." I said as I finished putting my stuff in my car.

"Okay. Have a safe drive." Jackson said as he hugged me.

"Thanks. I will." Jackson kisses my temple and helps me into my car. I turn my car on and wave to Jackson. I then start driving towards school. Am I ready to face Jongin after everything that's happened? I need to be.

/ / / / / / / / / / /

After a couple hours of driving, I had made it back to campus. I checked into my room and saw that Nalani wasn't back yet. Alice was, but I'm sure she was hanging out with Luhan. Then again, when were the guys going to get back? They could be back by now. I get to my room and everything remained untouched as I left it.

I put my bags down and sit down on my bed. It seems so empty in here. Maybe because someone else isn't here with me. Oh! I promised to call Jackson as soon as I got here. I called Jackson and he answered right away. I told him that I got back and I was going to take a nap. He then told me he'd call me later and reminded me to make sure I talked to Kai.

I turn my lights out and somewhat open my blinds, so there was some sunlight in my room. I close my eyes and I drift off into a peaceful slumber.

Kai's Point of View  
During the car ride back to campus, all I could think about was Tiana. She had been on my mind constantly. Was she all right? Had she'd been sleeping okay? I needed to see her. I wonder if she's back yet.

"Jongin, you'll see her again. I promise." Baekhyun said as he pat my shoulder.

"You've been on edge the entire break. I'm sure she's fine." Kris said.

"At least your mate was with you 24/7. My mate was on the other side of the world trying to get over the massive panic attack she had and then saying she's not good enough for you. You have no right to say anything." I growled.

"But---"

"Leave it alone." Kyungsoo said. After that it was silent the rest of the way back to our house. We get to our house and I immediately head to my room. Is Tiana back yet? I need to know. I need to talk to her.

"I'm going to head back to my apartment. Tiana hasn't text me saying she was back or anything. I'm worried." I heard Nalani say.

"Okay. Do you want me to come with you?" Kris asked.

"You're welcome to come. I have a feeling she's been avoiding me ever since she had her panic attack. I don't know why." Nalani said concerned.

"I'm sure she has her reasons. Just give her some space." Kris said.

"Okay. Let's go."

I get out of bed and walk out and they see me. "May I join you?" I asked Nalani.

"Sure. Baekhyun just asked me too. Let's go."

After all these weeks apart, I can finally see Tiana again. Did she miss me as much as I missed her?

End of Kai's Point of View

I woke up from my nap about an hour or two later. I didn't plan on leaving the apartment today until I decided it was truly necessary. I was going to get up and get a glass of water when I heard the front door open. I'm frozen in place and I hear voices.

"She's definitely back, since she checked in." Nalani said.

"Maybe she went out." Baekhyun suggested.

"No. I saw her car in the parking lot. She's here." Jongin said.

Jongin. He's here.

Suddenly, there's a knock at my bedroom door. It scares me and I don't move an inch.

"Tiana? Are you home?" Nalani asked.

I'm too stunned to speak.

"Tiana, talk to us. Please." Nalani begged.

"Tiana," Baekhyun started. "I missed you." He said. I hear someone hit him and Baekhyun says, "Ouch! I did!"

"Tiana," Jongin said. "Won't you come out? Please?" He pleaded.

I took a couple small, quiet steps towards my door and touched the handle. Am I ready to face them? I hesitantly grab the handle and opened the door.

I'm face to face with Nalani, Kris, Baekhyun, and Jongin.

"Hi guys," I whispered.

"Tiana!" Nalani cried and she hugged me.

"My turn!" Baekhyun said as he pulled Nalani from me and took her place giving me a nice gentle hug. "I missed you too, Baek." I whispered.

Baekhyun tightens his hug and then he lets me go. "Someone was really looking forward to seeing you." Kris said as he pushed Jongin forward.

"Hi." He said while blushing.

"Hi." I said shyly.

"How have you been?" He asked me.

"I've been all right. How about you?"

"About the same. I missed you."

"I missed you too." I said honestly.

"I hate to break up this reunion, but Tiana, we're having dinner at our house tonight and you're welcome to come, if you want." Baekhyun said.

"I'll think about it. No promises though." I said.

"Fair enough. I'm gonna go. It was good seeing you, Tiana."

"Likewise." I smiled.

Nalani and Kris headed into Nalani's room, but then left right away with Baekhyun. I was then alone with Jongin.

"I got you something." I said to Jongin.

"What'd you get me?" He smiled.

I looked down at my wrist and took the bracelet off my arm. "I got this in Freeport. It reminded me of you." I said shyly.

"It's so cool. Can I wear it now?"

"Sure." I placed the bracelet on Jongin's wrist. I immediately felt butterflies when our fingers briefly brushed against one another's. That spark is still there.

I look up at Jongin and he's looking down at me. His hair looked even more blonde than I remembered. His sun-kissed skin had been a tad paler than I remembered, but nonetheless, he looked exactly the same. Gorgeous.

"Um, do you want to sit down?" I asked him.

"Sure." I sat down on my bed and he sat down at my desk.

"How was home?" I asked.

"It was all right. I was too busy thinking about you." He said as he looked up at me. I blush and avoid eye contact.

"Did you think about me when you were in the Bahamas?" He asked me.

"I did."

"Tiana," Jongin said as he stood up. "--We have to talk." He continued.

"I know." I said quietly.

We were both silent for a while until I said, "I didn't mean any of the words I said to you that day." I whispered.

"I know you didn't. I didn't mean to walk out on you like that." He confessed. "As soon as I did it, I regretted it."

"I'm sorry." I sobbed.

"Oh Tiana, don't cry." Jongin said as he lifted my face up and dried my tears. "If anyone is supposed to be sorry, it should be me."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I almost pushed you into doing something intimate. I feel like I caused your attack."

"You didn't though."

"I feel like I did. Won't you forgive me?" He begged.

"Of course I forgive you."

"Can I kiss you?" He asked me.

"Um, I'll settle for a hug, for now." I blushed.

"That's fair." I jump down from my bed and stood in front of Jongin. I wrap my hands around his waist and torso and hug him. He doesn't hold back and hugs me right back.

Jongin and I pull apart and I look down at my feet. "Won't you come have dinner at our place? We brought food back from South Korea. And I still have my present to give you." Jongin said.

"Um, I guess it wouldn't be so bad. I didn't plan on leaving tonight though."

"We can stay here. Together. Order take out somewhere, and catch up?" Jongin suggested.

"I don't know."

"All the guys missed you. Especially Jongdae."

"Jongdae?"

"Chen. That's his actual name. For you guys to be best friends, you sure don't know a lot about each other." Jongin smirked.

"That's on him. He never told me." I argued.

"Fair enough. So, what do you want to do? Stay here with me? Or having dinner with all our friends and family?"

"Well, I did miss all the guys."

"Well then, shall we go?" Jongin asked me.

"Yeah. Let's go." I smiled.


	2. 2

Jongin and I hopped in my car and drove to his house since his brothers were having a dinner that they had nicely invited me to. We drove in both awkward, but comfortable silence. I kept my eyes on the road as I drove down the familiar street and then parked my car in the driveway.

I get out of the car, as does Jongin and we walk to the front door. My footsteps starts to slow down and I'm in-between my car and their house.

"Maybe this was a bad idea." I said to myself.

Jongin turns around to see I'm not following him and he walks towards me. "I'm gonna head back home." I said as I turned around.

"Tiana," Jongin said as he takes hold of my wrist.

"I'm not ready to face them. Not yet."

Jongin sighs and let's go of my wrist. "Okay. Can I see you tomorrow?" He asked me.

"I don't know. I just---I need to be alone right now."

"Are you going home?"

"Not yet. I'm gonna take a walk." I said as I started walking. I walk down the neighborhood and end up at the community park. I walk down the trail and I reached a small lake, with a bench beside it.

Despite the fact that it was really cold out, I didn't really mind it. I look out at the lake and it calms me. There's just something about water that just brings me to peace. I stay out there for a few more minutes and then decide it was time for me to go back. I stand up and start walking when I see Jongin.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. I'm not a baby."

"I know that, Tiana." Jongin said as he ran his hand through his hair. "I just wanted---Forget it."

We were good terms earlier. He wanted to kiss me earlier and now we're mad at each other. I sigh and shove my hands in my pocket.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I have a lot on my mind."

"You know that you can talk to me, right? I'm always going to be here for you, Tiana."

"I know."

"Come back to my house with me. Maybe seeing some familiar faces and some food will help you get your mind off things. I'm sure you're hungry."

"I am pretty hungry. Are you sure about this, Jongin?"

"I'm positive." He smiled.

"Okay."

Jongin walks toward me and takes one hand out of my pocket and holds it in his own.

"Come on," Jongin and I walked back to his house in comfortable silence and when we reached the front door Jongin went in ahead of me.

"Kai! Where have you been?"

"I went and picked up something."

Jongin walked back to me and gently took my hand and led me into the room where everyone was. Everyone's face lights up and smiles as I look down at my feet.

"Hi everyone," I said shyly.

"Tiana!" Alice said as she jumped out of Luhan's arms and hugged the crap at of me.

"Me next! Me next!" Chen said as he pulled Alice off of me and hugged me. "My best friend has returned!" He said.

"We want to hug her too, Chen." Kyungsoo said as he pinched Chen's butt which got him off of me and replaced himself onto me.

"There's my favorite munchkin." Chanyeol said as he lifted me up and hugged me. Chanyeol puts me down and I see Suho in front of me.

"It's good to see you Tiana." He smiled.

"Likewise." Suho comes towards me and hugs me.

"I don't know about all of you, but I'm starving." Sehun said as started walking to the dining room. Everyone follows him into the dining room and I kind of stay put. Jongin stops and looks behind himself to see me not moving.

He turns around and walks towards me. He takes my hand and he leads me into the dining room. "Tiana! Come sit by me." Baekhyun said as he waved frantically so I knew where he was sitting. I walk over towards him and Jongin sits next to me.

"So, you went to the Bahamas right? How was that?" Kyungsoo asked me.

"It was warmer than it is here, that's for sure." Everyone giggles and I smile a small smile to myself. "How was home for you guys?" I asked.

"It's home. It's cold there, but we got to see our parents." Xiumin said.

"Your vacation sounds more fun though. What's it like being on an island?" Tao asked me.

"It's like being here, only you don't have to do as much, unless you really want to. I couldn't get used to someone being there ready to do something for me. But it was a good time. I got to see my parents and my brother. I haven't seen him in a while." I said.

"Is he in college?" Chanyeol asked me.

"Yeah. He goes out of state."

"Do you prefer us or your brother?" Baekhyun smirked.

"I couldn't pick against my own brother, even though he can be a pain. But you guys are pretty great too. Enough about me. Let's eat."

Everyone pigged out, including myself. I don't remember the last time I ate this much. I didn't plan on staying this long and I honestly didn't want to leave. We still had one more day until classes started back up, so I could stay as long as I want, but I wasn't going to.

"I think I'm going to head home." I said as I stood up and Jongin did the same.

"Can you come back tomorrow? We're having a movie marathon, you should join us." Suho said.

"I'll think about it." I said honestly.

"Tiana, I--" Nalani started.

"You're staying here. That's fine." I said a little harshly and make my way to the front door.

"Do you want me to come back with you?" Jongin asked me.

"No. I'm fine. I'll call you." I said as I put my hand on the door.

"Tiana," Jongin said as he grasped my wrist. "Don't shut me out. Please."

"I have to go." I said as I took my hand out of Jongin's grasp. I walk outside to my car. I get in my car and I drive away back to my apartment. Obviously, Nalani probably won't be coming home too often, so I better get used to her not being there.

I get back to campus and decide I'm going to take a shower. I let the water run and I immediately get inside it as soon as it gets warm enough. I stand there and let myself get wet forgetting everything around me and just being one with the water. I take as much as I can and decide to actually clean myself and get out before I get pruney.

I get out of the shower, dry myself off, put on a pair of shorts and a sleep shirt and walk into my room. I see my phone light up and I see Jackson's picture pop up. I answer his phone call right away.

"Hey Jackson,"

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"I just want to make sure. Did you talk to Kai?"

"His name is Jongin."

"You told me only you were allowed to call him that, especially when the two of you are alone." He said with a smirk in his voice.

"Shut up." I blushed.

"So, did you?"

"Yes I did. I just came from his house."

"Were you two alone?"

"No. It was a family affair. They invited me over for dinner. I almost didn't go, but Jongin convinced me." I explained.

"He seems to care about your relationship. Why don't you?"

"I do care, it's just after what happened, I didn't think he'd still want me."

"Tiana, Jongin loves you. You need to let him back in other wise you're just hurting yourself."

"What if I told you that I was afraid to?"

"Tell him that. I'm sure he'd understand. You're his mate."

"I wish you were here." I confessed.

"Talk to Nalani."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"She's not you." "No one is like me." He chuckled.

"Still--"

"Give Jongin a chance. I'm sure he's been looking forward to seeing you."

"Yeah."

"All right. I'll call you later. I'll call you in a few days to check on you. And you can always text me."

"Thanks Jackson. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I don't either. Don't replace me!" He cried dramatically.

"I wouldn't dream of it." I smiled. I hung up the phone and lied down on my bed. I turn over, so I could see the other side of my bed and it's empty. I suddenly see Jongin across from me with a passionate gaze and a gentle smile on his face. My mind is playing tricks on me. I turn away and look at my phone again. No new notifications, but what else is new?

I should get some sleep. I get under my comforter and lie down once more. I glance at my phone one more time and just decide to not to look at it anymore and go to my iPad. I watch a few episodes of a TV show and then called it a night.

I wasn't even asleep for twenty minutes when I heard someone knocking on my front door. I get up, but take my sweet time going to answer the door. I couldn't see through the peephole, even for stepping onto my tippy toes, so I had to ask who was there.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"It's me." Jongin said. "Can I come in? Please?" He begged.

I open the door and there Jongin stood. "What are you doing here?"

"To see you."

I open the door wider and let him inside. "Aren't you lonely here by yourself?" Jongin asked me.

"No. I'm used to being on my own. Well, before you came into my life." I said honestly.

Jongin chuckles and I can't help but blush. My heart is beating so fast, I don't know what to do. "Um, I'm guess that you're staying?" I said shyly.

"Only if you want me to." He said.

"I don't mind."

"Really?" He said surprised. I nod my head and avoid eye contact. "I was about to go to bed." I said.

"Well then, shall we go to bed then?" Jongin said.

"Yeah." I almost power walk to my room and Jongin is right at my heels. I close the door behind him and get in bed. Jongin strips out of his clothes and I try so hard not to stare and look down at my fingers. Jongin climbs into bed, next to me and lies down.

"Do you mind if we cuddle?" He asked.

"Um, no. I don't mind." I blushed.

"Cool." I lie down and I feel Jongin's arm snake around my waist, pulling me into his chest. I feel myself relax in his chest and I almost instantly fall asleep. I then feel a pair of lips on my forehead and Jongin quietly says, "Sleep well, my princess."


	3. 3

I woke up in the middle of night, sweating. I get out of bed and change my clothes and splash some cold water on my face. I walk back out into my room and I see Jongin sitting up, rubbing his eye.

"You okay?" He whispered.

"Yeah. I had to change clothes."

"Come back to bed." He said.

I made my way back to bed and lie down. Jongin cuddles up next to me and I lie back down trying to go back to sleep. "Try not to think so much." Jongin whispers.

"How do you even know that I'm thinking too much?" I asked him.

"You must forget that I'm part wolf."

"I guess so."

"Did you have a nightmare?" He asked me.

"No. Sometimes, I just wake up in the middle of the night and I end up sweating."

"Hmm. That's interesting."

"I guess you could put it that way." I said as I looked up my ceiling. I feel Jongin's eyes on me and try not to look at him.

"What happened to us?" He said suddenly.

"We had an argument, remember?"

"Yeah, but now you don't seem to trust me like you did before our argument."

"People change, Jongin." I sighed as I turned to my side, so my back was to him.

"You haven't changed, Tiana. There's just something different about you and whatever it is, it's holding you back from me." Jongin said.

"Whatever."

"Tiana," Jongin said as he turned me around so I was facing him. "What's your deal? Talk to me." He pleaded.

"Jongin, it's late. Let's talk another time, okay? I'm not ready yet." I admitted.

"Fine. I'll go then." He said as he got up out of bed.

"Don't go." I said.

"You don't seem to want me here."

"I do. I'm just cranky that I can't go right back to sleep and try to move on to the next day of my life." I said.

Jongin got back into bed, but he had his back to me. Great. Now, we're back to square one. I turn my back to Jongin and I close my eyes and slowly drift back to sleep.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

I wake up the next morning, but Jongin isn't there. I then hear the sound of running water in my bathroom. He must be taking a shower. Since I did take one last night, I could just throw on something and go on about my day. Just as I'm about to walk into the hallway leading to my bathroom, I bump into Jongin, who is in nothing but a towel around his waist.

"Sorry." I said as I ran into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. What is wrong with me? I do my business in the bathroom and then walk back out to my room. Jongin is dressed, all while drying his hair with a towel. It's probably that same towel that was around his waist.

I shake my head getting that pleasing image out of my brain and sat at my computer. "Do you want to come over today for our movie marathon?" Jongin asked me.

"Maybe. I'm not sure." I said honestly.

"You know we'd all love to have you." Jongin said.

"I know. I just---I don't want to be in the same place with Nalani right now."

"How come?" "I have my reasons." I said quickly.

"Okay. Do you want to get some food? Maybe from the dining hall? Or, I could take you somewhere, like a date?" He said hopefully.

"Breakfast does seem nice right about now." I said honestly.

"Let's go get some breakfast and we'll go from there. What do you say?" Jongin asked me.

"Okay. Let's go." Jongin and I left my apartment and we headed to a diner. The same diner he took me to on our date last year. I sat inside the both and Jongin sat across from me. "How'd you sleep last night?" Jongin asked me.

"I slept all right. How about you?"

"I slept okay." He said.

We both look at each other and I feel my cheeks heat up. It's not that I didn't like Jongin. My feelings for him hadn't changed. In fact, they were probably stronger than I remembered. I just wasn't ready for anything intimate with him. As badly as I wanted him to caress my cheek, or kiss me a million times, I needed to make sure I was ready for that.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Jongin said.

"No. I just needed to think to myself."

"Tiana," He said as he took my hand, gently and looked into my eyes. "Do you still love me?" He asked me.

"I do. I do still love you Jongin. It's just---"

Jongin smiles a small smile and he squeezes my hand. "That's all I wanted to know." He said as his smile grew a little wider.

My cheeks heat up immensely and I avoid eye contact. Our breakfast arrives and every so often, we would make eye contact and I would feel the butterflies in my stomach just get worse and worse the more we made eye contact, especially if we held it too long.

We finished our breakfast and we head back to my apartment. I'm still on the fence about going to Jongin's place since Nalani would be there too. My thought process is to just stay away from her. I never had a problem with her before my panic attack, so why now? The very sight of her, especially when she's with Kris, bothers me. Why the sudden hate towards her? Maybe I'll talk to my psychologist about that when classes start back up.

"Have you thought about coming over?" Jongin said as he got me out of my head.

I don't want to be holed up in my room all day, especially since I'll be alone for most nights. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to be there for a little while." I said.

"So, you'll come?" Jongin asked.

"Yeah. I'll come." I said with a small smile.

Jongin and I head out of my apartment and we head to his house. We drive in comfortable silence until we get to his house. I park the car and turn off my car, but Jongin says, "Tiana, can we talk?"

"About what?"

"Last night. You said you needed more time to talk to me and I don't want to rush you, but I feel like I should know what's going on with you. I--I miss you. I miss us. I know we apologized to one another, but I feel like there's still something between us."

He's right. He has the right to know. I should take Jackson's advice and talk to Jongin. He's trying to make our relationship work and I should do the same. I just need to take baby steps.

"Okay. You have the right to know." I said quietly.

Jongin takes my hand and squeezes it. He smiles a reassuring smile and I take a deep breath.

"Over break, I started seeing a psychologist. Because my panic attack had been that severe, my mom thought it was best if I talked to a professional, which I also agreed. Ever since I heard those voices, I feel very self-conscious. I feel like I'm not enough, hence why I said 'I'm got good enough for you.' I don't feel like myself. I feel empty, and sad all the time and it sucks." I choked up.

"Tiana," Jongin whispered. "It sucks, Jongin. And as much as I want to fall into your arms and have you tell me it's going to be okay, I can't. I just can't." I cried.

"Oh Tiana," Jongin frowned. "Have you heard the voice since the attack?" He asked me.

"No. I'm scared that when I'm with you and we're intimate, I'll hear them again. And I don't want that. I want to enjoy our times together, not dread them." I said.

"Thank you for telling me." Jongin said with a small smile. "I know you probably didn't want to, but I'm glad you did." He continued.

"I'm glad I told you too. I feel like it would have blown up in my face if I didn't."

"Are you okay enough to go inside? We don't have to. Although I--"

"Can we stay in the car for a few more minutes? I missed being alone with you." I said honestly.

Jongin blushes and he squeezes my hand. "Sure. Let's stay here a little longer." We sat in the car for maybe ten minutes before we decided to go inside. Jongin opens the door and I walk in behind him. I hear voices coming from the basement and Jongin leads me downstairs.

Everyone is spread out everywhere and their are two spots left at a love seat. "You guys made it!" Chanyeol said.

"Yeah. Did we miss anything?" Jongin asked.

"Nope. We were waiting for you two and now, here you are." Suho said.

Jongin and I sat down, until he gets back up and grabs a blanket for me.

"Thank you." I blushed.

"Don't mention it." He smirked. We start the movie and halfway through it I had fallen asleep. I could remember the soft humming from the television and the warmth from Jongin's body keeping me calm. For once, I felt like myself again.


	4. 4

I woke up in the middle of night, sweating. I get out of bed and change my clothes and splash some cold water on my face. I walk back out into my room and I see Jongin sitting up, rubbing his eye.

"You okay?" He whispered.

"Yeah. I had to change clothes."

"Come back to bed." He said.

I made my way back to bed and lie down. Jongin cuddles up next to me and I lie back down trying to go back to sleep. "Try not to think so much." Jongin whispers.

"How do you even know that I'm thinking too much?" I asked him.

"You must forget that I'm part wolf."

"I guess so."

"Did you have a nightmare?" He asked me.

"No. Sometimes, I just wake up in the middle of the night and I end up sweating."

"Hmm. That's interesting."

"I guess you could put it that way." I said as I looked up my ceiling. I feel Jongin's eyes on me and try not to look at him.

"What happened to us?" He said suddenly.

"We had an argument, remember?"

"Yeah, but now you don't seem to trust me like you did before our argument."

"People change, Jongin." I sighed as I turned to my side, so my back was to him.

"You haven't changed, Tiana. There's just something different about you and whatever it is, it's holding you back from me." Jongin said.

"Whatever."

"Tiana," Jongin said as he turned me around so I was facing him. "What's your deal? Talk to me." He pleaded.

"Jongin, it's late. Let's talk another time, okay? I'm not ready yet." I admitted.

"Fine. I'll go then." He said as he got up out of bed.

"Don't go." I said.

"You don't seem to want me here."

"I do. I'm just cranky that I can't go right back to sleep and try to move on to the next day of my life." I said.

Jongin got back into bed, but he had his back to me. Great. Now, we're back to square one. I turn my back to Jongin and I close my eyes and slowly drift back to sleep.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

I wake up the next morning, but Jongin isn't there. I then hear the sound of running water in my bathroom. He must be taking a shower. Since I did take one last night, I could just throw on something and go on about my day. Just as I'm about to walk into the hallway leading to my bathroom, I bump into Jongin, who is in nothing but a towel around his waist.

"Sorry." I said as I ran into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. What is wrong with me? I do my business in the bathroom and then walk back out to my room. Jongin is dressed, all while drying his hair with a towel. It's probably that same towel that was around his waist.

I shake my head getting that pleasing image out of my brain and sat at my computer. "Do you want to come over today for our movie marathon?" Jongin asked me.

"Maybe. I'm not sure." I said honestly.

"You know we'd all love to have you." Jongin said.

"I know. I just---I don't want to be in the same place with Nalani right now."

"How come?" "I have my reasons." I said quickly.

"Okay. Do you want to get some food? Maybe from the dining hall? Or, I could take you somewhere, like a date?" He said hopefully.

"Breakfast does seem nice right about now." I said honestly.

"Let's go get some breakfast and we'll go from there. What do you say?" Jongin asked me.

"Okay. Let's go." Jongin and I left my apartment and we headed to a diner. The same diner he took me to on our date last year. I sat inside the both and Jongin sat across from me. "How'd you sleep last night?" Jongin asked me.

"I slept all right. How about you?"

"I slept okay." He said.

We both look at each other and I feel my cheeks heat up. It's not that I didn't like Jongin. My feelings for him hadn't changed. In fact, they were probably stronger than I remembered. I just wasn't ready for anything intimate with him. As badly as I wanted him to caress my cheek, or kiss me a million times, I needed to make sure I was ready for that.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Jongin said.

"No. I just needed to think to myself."

"Tiana," He said as he took my hand, gently and looked into my eyes. "Do you still love me?" He asked me.

"I do. I do still love you Jongin. It's just---"

Jongin smiles a small smile and he squeezes my hand. "That's all I wanted to know." He said as his smile grew a little wider.

My cheeks heat up immensely and I avoid eye contact. Our breakfast arrives and every so often, we would make eye contact and I would feel the butterflies in my stomach just get worse and worse the more we made eye contact, especially if we held it too long.

We finished our breakfast and we head back to my apartment. I'm still on the fence about going to Jongin's place since Nalani would be there too. My thought process is to just stay away from her. I never had a problem with her before my panic attack, so why now? The very sight of her, especially when she's with Kris, bothers me. Why the sudden hate towards her? Maybe I'll talk to my psychologist about that when classes start back up.

"Have you thought about coming over?" Jongin said as he got me out of my head.

I don't want to be holed up in my room all day, especially since I'll be alone for most nights. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to be there for a little while." I said.

"So, you'll come?" Jongin asked.

"Yeah. I'll come." I said with a small smile.

Jongin and I head out of my apartment and we head to his house. We drive in comfortable silence until we get to his house. I park the car and turn off my car, but Jongin says, "Tiana, can we talk?"

"About what?"

"Last night. You said you needed more time to talk to me and I don't want to rush you, but I feel like I should know what's going on with you. I--I miss you. I miss us. I know we apologized to one another, but I feel like there's still something between us."

He's right. He has the right to know. I should take Jackson's advice and talk to Jongin. He's trying to make our relationship work and I should do the same. I just need to take baby steps.

"Okay. You have the right to know." I said quietly.

Jongin takes my hand and squeezes it. He smiles a reassuring smile and I take a deep breath.

"Over break, I started seeing a psychologist. Because my panic attack had been that severe, my mom thought it was best if I talked to a professional, which I also agreed. Ever since I heard those voices, I feel very self-conscious. I feel like I'm not enough, hence why I said 'I'm got good enough for you.' I don't feel like myself. I feel empty, and sad all the time and it sucks." I choked up.

"Tiana," Jongin whispered. "It sucks, Jongin. And as much as I want to fall into your arms and have you tell me it's going to be okay, I can't. I just can't." I cried.

"Oh Tiana," Jongin frowned. "Have you heard the voice since the attack?" He asked me.

"No. I'm scared that when I'm with you and we're intimate, I'll hear them again. And I don't want that. I want to enjoy our times together, not dread them." I said.

"Thank you for telling me." Jongin said with a small smile. "I know you probably didn't want to, but I'm glad you did." He continued.

"I'm glad I told you too. I feel like it would have blown up in my face if I didn't."

"Are you okay enough to go inside? We don't have to. Although I--"

"Can we stay in the car for a few more minutes? I missed being alone with you." I said honestly.

Jongin blushes and he squeezes my hand. "Sure. Let's stay here a little longer." We sat in the car for maybe ten minutes before we decided to go inside. Jongin opens the door and I walk in behind him. I hear voices coming from the basement and Jongin leads me downstairs.

Everyone is spread out everywhere and their are two spots left at a love seat. "You guys made it!" Chanyeol said.

"Yeah. Did we miss anything?" Jongin asked.

"Nope. We were waiting for you two and now, here you are." Suho said.

Jongin and I sat down, until he gets back up and grabs a blanket for me.

"Thank you." I blushed.

"Don't mention it." He smirked. We start the movie and halfway through it I had fallen asleep. I could remember the soft humming from the television and the warmth from Jongin's body keeping me calm. For once, I felt like myself again.


End file.
